A mother's love knows no bounds; it is unparalleled and unending. It is where our firsts always reign—first love, first hug, and first kiss. And as soon as a woman wants to become one, she is bombarded with unsolicited advice and opinions on how to raise her child—to do this, to be like this, and not to do that.
Mothers' nurturing, selfless qualities are seen as valued by society and their children, which for them is the epitome of resilience, fortitude, and unconditional love. Motherhood is cherished and honored. But under the surface of adoration is a complicated network of expectations that, for mothers, can often be too much to bear.
From the moment a woman becomes a mother, she steps into a world where norms, traditions, and expectations altogether reshape her identity and role in society.
Picture this: a Filipino mom juggling a million things at once—cooking the perfect seasoned adobo, helping with their child’s homework, and maybe sneaking in a little "me time" if lucky enough. And there's this unspoken pressure to be the perfect mom, like something straight out of a teleserye.
Don't get me wrong—being a mother is amazing! Nothing compares to your children's clumsy kisses and close embraces. Let's face it, though: life as a mother is not always sunshine and rainbows. There are moments when all you want to do is hide on a tropical island with your favorite mocha ice cream on hand, or maybe just scream into your pillow.
To embrace tradition or modernity?
Take it from Mommy Christy, 33, a mother of two daughters from Quezon City, who opened doors into her journey as a stay-at-home mom.
“Hindi talaga madali ang pagiging isang Mommy. Kumbaga, it’s a rollercoaster. Sa una masaya kayo habang naglalaro, then later, magka-crying lady na ‘yan bigla. Pero alam mo yung fulfilling sa part ko as a mommy—it’s seeing my kids happy and it makes it all worth it,” she said.
Echoed by many Filipino mothers who experienced early-life pressure from society, they frequently feel conflicted between their own goals and responsibilities. A torn kind of feeling in choosing between career and motherhood, as a woman’s worth is tied to her ability to fulfill her maternal duties.
As they are viewed as “ilaw ng tahanan” (light of the home), their embrace gives their family security, love, and affection in all forms, entwined as the cornerstone of unconditional support.
“So when I got married, I told my husband that I will continue with my career, and he said yes, pero ‘tong si Mama, ayaw naman. Kaya ang ending: I am a stay-at-home mom. And as a result, mas focus ako to take care of my kids and my husband as well,” she added.
Mothers are often expected to sacrifice their dreams and aspirations to prioritize taking physical care of the family and handling household chores.
“A lot of expectations, actually. Because I was kind of scared to have our first baby, we planned everything. I tried reading books kung paano ba magiging nanay and also to be a good wife as well. Let’s say, maalaga kasi akong tao, like even if we were dating pa, I love to take care of him. [...] Then, everything after marriage was all planned na,” Mommy Christy narrated.
On the other side, Mommy Lorna, a devoted mom of four in her 50s, addressed how she dealt with the societal pressure of being a perfect mother while balancing her life, work, and personal struggles.
"Bilang nanay, ito na yata ang pinakamahirap na responsibilidad ko sa buhay. Kahit na maaga akong nagpakasal noon, nakapagtapos at nagtrabaho ng ilang taon sa government. Pero iniwan ko ‘yung pagtatatrabaho no’ng hindi ko pala kaya na i-balance ang pagiging ina at empleyado. Kaya si mister ang sumalo lahat-lahat. Siya sa finances, ako sa mga bata at sa bahay,” she expressed.
Family is the most basic and important unit in society. Mothers are seen as its pillars and are entrusted with raising and molding the next generation of their beloved children, whom they are supposed to love, support, and guide unconditionally.
Mothers have a lot on their plates, don't you think?
The family’s needs, managing the home and ensuring everything is working in order, managing the family’s finances, including teaching their children important values and being their role models.
A mother is indeed a home you can always rely on, with their shoulders, affection, and embrace you might be asking for.
Redefining Motherhood
There is indeed pressure put on our mothers—building the perfect home, the perfect family, the life that would look ideal to relatives and neighbors. But who can really define what “perfect” looks like?
Still, in the patriarchal standards and deeply rooted gender stereotypes, men are typically seen as providers, while women are frequently given domestic duties. If you’re asking a woman what she could bring to the table, just ask your mom, bro. winks
“Yes, there is a pressure for women talaga. But I think nowadays, unti-unti na s’yang nagbabago, like turning into something new in this generation. You can even say that you don’t want kids, like career na lang and bonding with your loved ones. Sabi ko kasi sa sarili ko noon, I want to be like Kryz Uy, chos. Focus sa kids, to my husband, me, and a happy home, kahit na [ang] daming struggles,” Mommy Christy heartily said.
Being a mother should not hinder anyone from wanting to make a difference. Moms have the power to start anew with their opinions and advice to their children whether it may be aligned with their morality or not.
"Feel ko lang when you hear the word ‘women’, it means a mother. Parang script na siya sa buhay natin, like you as a babae sa society natin dito sa Pilipinas. Like you need to get married, have kids, be the perfect wife or a mother. And it's like there's no room for anything else. But the truth is, there is. Nakikita ‘yon sa mga kids natin in the future. Be patient, lang,” Mommy Christy added.
And just like Mommy Lorna, we're expected to live up to this strict definition of what a mother should be, even at the expense of our personal goals, sacrificing our own dreams, and struggling to juggle a million things at once—work, life, and the kids.
“‘Wag kang mawalan ng pag-asa. Kung gusto mo i-pursue ‘yung career mo while being a mom, hindi naman masama ‘yun. Actually, lagi kong payo sa anak kong babae ay piliin nila ‘yung lalaking susuportahan sila sa mga bagay na magbibigay sa kanila ng kakaibang kasiyahan. Kung gusto niya magtrabaho, sige lang! Wala rin naman akong pinagsisihan na tumigil ako sa pagtatrabaho, pero ngayon naman, may mga sidelines naman ako as an online seller,” she said.
It is undeniably true that Filipino mothers possess a superpower: the capacity for intense, unconditional love, despite all the chaos and expectations, bearing through their lifetime journey.
We are not bound by the norms of society, which has led to a change in Filipino culture's perspective on embracing and redefining motherhood on their own terms, as opposed to adhering to traditional gender norms.
Thus, let's honor all of the incredible mothers for doing a fantastic job, whether a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, or anything in between, keeping intact in-person relationships and with their physical presence.
So, mama, here's to you: Keep doing what you do and never be scared to show your colors!
And with Mother's Day just around the corner, it's the perfect time to shine a spotlight on all the amazing supermoms out there, where motherhood is like a hallowed practice.
Article: Shainah Limpiado
Graphics: Hannah Mae Manalo
Comments