The Man Who Can't Be Moved

If I can truly go back to the corner where I first saw you, then I would certainly choose not to move—from the moment I was undone by your charm, to the words left unsaid as I watched you walk away from me… naturally.

I’ll admit it to myself: I still find myself backed into the corner where I first saw you, where everything had begun and ended, when what bloomed became an angry bruise in my heart. The only difference now, is little by little, I find myself stepping an inch away from where we started and ended, stepping away unhesitatingly, naturally.

Maybe a broken mutual connection is a heartbreaking scene, but to someone who holds a silent longing holds a painful tear that words cannot even fathom. Moving on is not always for the people who have been loved back, because silence does not make it easier—it makes it heavier. I always wonder; even unreturned feelings can have an ending. As I fight back with the shadow of my suppressed yearning, how amazing to see you shine on your own while I was left in the dark. So tell me, how can you move on when I cannot move forward? 

The moment we parted is still a heartbreaking scene in the story of you and I, a silent contrast to the lively dialogue of our previous scenes—the quiet that cuts through the backdrop of our new, separate lives. But the yearning I once held has become a new unfamiliar feeling—what once was the heaviness of seeing you shine on your own has become a slight swell of pride, knowing I once had you. Tell me, is this the feeling of moving forward? Do you feel the same way about me now, too?

When even in my dreams, your presence remains tied to my deepest thoughts. Even in the distance that separates me from you, my mind flies to the place where your feet stand. And in everything that I see which reminds me of you; but only in the quiet way of knowing you from afar. So, again, how can I move forward when I’m walking in the dark and my hands are empty—without even the words that are meant to guide me toward you?

You’re still an ever-present character embedded deeply into my psyche, one that would come out easily with a freudian slip. You’re still a pedestrian that crosses my mind so often, one that I follow to where your feet will take you. It still holds true that everything I see is a reminder of you, the ‘you’ that I now can only ever know from afar. But now I find myself parting away from the path that takes you. I find myself with my hands full of farewell gifts from you—ones that will guide me to somewhere of my own.

The heavens and the stars have always heard my voice of wanting to forget you. There were times that I thought I was moving forward; but that was when your presence is no longer around, and my ears have never heard of your voice, again. Yet, I still find myself penning the quiet truth I held back. It appears in the spaces I thought were already empty, in the words I never mean to write again, in the realization that leaving is not the same as letting go. So, how can you be near yet so far—because my heart still belongs wherever you are.

Still, only the heavens and the stars will ever know how much I still love you. They have bore witness to how I’ve loved you so—from start to finish, beginning to end, sunrise ‘till the last tinge of dusk. The stars still occupy the wishes I once had for you; the moon still carries the sweet nothings I have once whispered in your ear. Wherever I go will never be truly empty, my words will never be truly just words, because you will always have my heart, just not as a whole anymore. For while my love for you remains unmoved, my heart is ready to beat again—ready to let go, move, and begin again.

Article: Alexis Cantuba and Jobelle Marie Palopalo

Illustration: Leann Grace Tamares