The ‘Performative Male’ Epidemic: Are They The Only Ones Performing?

You see a young man at a cafe sipping on a matcha, with Clairo blasting on his wired earphones, a tote bag on the side, and a cute plushie hanging on his belt loop, all while reading feminist literature. Will you celebrate this image of liberated masculinity or roll your eyes at how performative everything about him looks?

Recently, the term “performative male” has been popping up all over social media. You will find them at the center of every “starter pack” memes and parody videos on TikTok, making fun of how men engage in feminine-coded hobbies and behaviors for attention and validation. 

However, this whole so-called “epidemic” in men and the reaction itself from the people seem to divulge how we view authenticity and gender expression in a supposedly progressive society today.

Performative male manipulator

When you are a woman living in a patriarchal society, you’ll know that there won’t always be safe spaces for you, and so you seek that in people that you meet, such as in a romantic partner. You want to make sure their values align with yours and they understand your experiences as a woman, which makes it compelling to see a man show femininity and stand with feminism — not until men learned they could use it to their advantage.

In trying to appear more appealing to women, they disguise themselves as allies rather than actually being one. As if carrying a Bell Hooks book or a niche music playlist (stolen from another woman) is a form of solidarity when their original beliefs counter everything about feminism. But what they do not see is that it just reeks of even more misogyny, as feminism is being reduced to shallow gestures, and women’s politics is being treated as something to be performed all in the name of a romantic gain.

But thankfully, there are two things we can be grateful for: one, the clock is ticking for frauds because anything built on pretense will eventually crumble. Unfortunately for them, emotional intelligence can never be faked. And two, not every man with painted nails is a manipulator, and not every performative person is necessarily evil. Just wonder where a true performative male manipulator gets his inspiration from.

News Flash: Men can be feminine too

In case you don't know yet, men can enjoy “feminine” things too. 

Calling out manipulative behavior is valid, especially when it is warranted. The problem is that people love to carelessly throw around words they just learned from the internet minutes ago. And the result? Every man who dares to go outside the gender norm is suddenly a “performative man” now, exactly how a woman is hastily called a “pick me.” It is such a painful sight how this regresses us and feeds the patriarchy we wish to diminish. 

The focus of this trend has somehow shifted to just plain mocking and shaming men who do things differently from what society deems acceptable. This is evident in how people are quick to call a man "performative" when they stray from gender normativity, but when it is masculinity being hyper-performed or exaggerated, it rarely receives the same treatment. You will wonder if other people think it’s more coherent and authentic for someone to just stick to things traditionally aligned with their assigned gender.

All the world’s a stage

People always talk about being “authentic,” as if not so much of what we put on our screen is curated, as if a pure and untouched version of ourselves really exists, as if we don’t live our lives like we are on stage performing for those around us, and as if life itself is not a performance. 

In Erving Goffman’s book The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, he describes social interaction as a kind of performance. We perform versions of ourselves to fit expectations and avoid disapproval from those people around us. This is exactly what we see in the “performative male” trend. Men are leaning into interests that are culturally associated with being “feminine” to perform a certain kind of masculinity that feels softer and palatable for a specific audience. This is to show others that they embody this “acceptable” version of being a man. So if we can unapologetically post our gym mirror selfies or the outfit we picked for the day, why do we punish others for wanting to be perceived in a certain way too?

For a society that pushes to be progressive, we have a lot to learn and unlearn. Part of that means we have to allow space for expressions of gender that don’t always fit the mold that we have been taught to accept. Like with drag, it is precisely in those performances that break away from norms where new ways of being and living are made.

So the next time you see a man ordering another matcha at a cafe, listening to a Beabadoobee playlist this time, reading a book upside down, maybe just let him perform in peace—after all, we are all on stage.

Article: Lian Joy Magano

Graphics: Mary Rose Maligmat and Kent Bicol