Out of the blue, you come to a standstill. Something feels different. There is this certain spot within you that sparks a rush of memories, instantly bringing you back in time. Each memory flashes vividly as if newly etched into your mind. The past stories resurface in perfect detail—everything’s remembered. But along with this comes a sudden wave of feelings, leaving you bursting with nostalgia.
Staring blankly, you realize that 2023 has gone by. You find yourself at the threshold of a new chapter in your life.
Was this transition filled with joy? Or was it shadowed with sadness?
Or perhaps it brought you pain you wish to leave behind?
Recalling memories
Reflecting upon the memories built can evoke a plethora of contradictory emotions—from joy, comfort, contentment, and hopefulness to sorrow, regret, and distress.
We were optimistic about positive change in our country. Not only were our hearts shattered, but also our dreams after everything that had happened: the 2022 Presidential Election; how we felt powerless as the killings of Filipino journalists continued, and how we experienced a different kind of grief and hopelessness in witnessing the ongoing conflict between Israel and Palestine.
These ignited our determination to pursue our aspirations further. These urged us to fight for those who lack the means to advocate for themselves. The persistent challenges faced by Filipinos underscored the significance of resilience, and up space, amplifying our voices, and facing the future boldly.
No matter how hard we try to push these emotions aside, the reality remains. They serve as reminders, guiding us through an array of feelings. They act as mirrors, reflecting what has been lost, revealing regrets, missed opportunities, and haunting “what ifs,” as well as the burden of past mistakes.
In the end, we find ourselves in distress after recalling these memories.
Longingness
Nostalgia is like flipping through a chapter of your life, pausing to reminisce for a while, triggered by small things—the scent of a perfume, seeing a long-lost object, revisiting a childhood spot, or even just hearing a familiar tune that keeps memories vivid.
Taking yourself back to the past can bring both solace and sorrow. It brings comfort to see what one was, yet it’s also a reminder of what we can’t have. It brings longing—for celebrations that begin months before and usually keep the streets busy; for the simplicity of life that we once enjoyed; the freedom that was taken away by pandemic restrictions; regular face-to-face classes; a stress-free and less toxic environment; and for carefree living away from constant judgment.
At the same time, we long for leaders who are willing not just to listen but also to bend their knees in service of the Filipinos and a nation where humanity prevails. Our hearts yearn for inclusivity for the marginalized sectors, seeking a place where no one is left behind. We long for a more humane and compassionate existence and an equitable society.
For inexplicable reasons, some feelings are truly hard to put into words. In just a moment, we feel as if we are on cloud nine, recalling these moments even though they occurred years ago, while some never did at all. How can we long for things we never had?
As it strikes us, we suddenly desire to relive the past, like a child persisting in wishing for a time machine or an adult wishing to have more time to spend with someone. We yearn for its perfection—how it made us feel different and how it evoked distinct emotions.
Loss and change
Acceptance becomes our reluctant companion. "It is what it is" becomes our mantra.
We are bound not just by circumstance but also by our silenced desires. Despite longing for a return to those memories and to relive the emotions, time has turned these into healed wounds, leaving a mark. Even though they linger, engraved in our being, they remain as remnants of the past, forever beyond our grasp.
Not only did we experience loss, but we were also able to experience change.
The moment we recall the past, we are also able to reflect on ourselves—on how much we have grown. It reminds us how much struggle we were able to surpass, how much effort we put in just to get out of that phase, or how much time we gave just to enjoy those things.
But one thing matters the most: once we embrace this truth, we gain the ability to move forward, embracing the moment to strive for continuous improvement.
Past vs. Present
This phase often involves comparing our current circumstances to the past, fostering a sense of discontent, and idealizing what could have been if the past had continued. It triggers moments of reflection, making us realize its potential. The notion ties into a persistent feeling of what could or should have been. Eventually, sadness, dissatisfaction, and longing for more can emerge, fueling a desire for a different reality.
It is common to unintentionally set unrealistic expectations for the present, leading to a cycle of dissatisfaction and yearning for a past that seems more ideal in hindsight. Although it is a natural response, it is more likely to be influenced by the emotional resonance brought by memories.
The unforeseen twists and turns of life's circumstances have played a pivotal role. As situations shifted, the perception of memories underwent a transformation. In the past few years, the emotions associated with those recollections have evolved in their own ways.
Out of the blue, you come to realize that it is all in the past. There is this certain spot within you that sparks a rush of hurtful feelings, instantly awakening you to what has been. Each memory that flashes starts to give you a reason to slowly drown, be buried in the feelings from the past, and continuously mourn for them. The present was no longer enjoyable as the past stories were in perfect detail—everything’s remembered. But alongside this comes an instant rush of truthful feelings, leaving you in reality.
Was it worthwhile to cast a glance back? Or was it merely a good reminder?
Perhaps now is the time to step into this new beginning.
The new year is a chance for a fresh start and a reset. This is your moment to take action without having regrets, to take risks, to try new things that will give you memories that will last for a lifetime, and to grow with boundaries while understanding the situation better than before.
Here’s to new beginnings—to learn from the past and create a future filled with endless possibilities.
Article: Glaiza Chavez
Graphics: Aldreich Pascual
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