What does it take to be loved? Does one have to fit into a glass slipper like Cinderella? Does it require having an evil stepmother, or perhaps do we have to get poisoned just like Snow White so that our one true love will come and save us? We've grown up with the idea that love is a fairytale, a quest to find our happily ever after. But could this be just a small chapter of a much larger story of love?
“Love is in the air,” a famous phrase that many of us probably roll our eyes on, especially at this time of the year–Valentine’s. A sense of bitterness slowly filled the air as January came to an end, because just like that, the shortest month of the year is here: the month of love.
But, what if it’s true though? What if, love really is in the air and everywhere else but we are just too focused on that “fairytale” kind of love that we overlook the love we have in other forms?
Familiar Love
Before we even understood the concept of love, or before anyone else had a chance to adore us, our parents were the first to give us affection—literally. From the moment we were conceived to the second we came out in this world, we were already loved by them. They are our primary example of love. Our parents were the one who taught us how to walk, how to speak and how to act righteously. Subconsciously, they were also the first who taught us how to love.
It’s in the simplest things: like when your mother combs your hair every morning before you go to school, teaching you that love should be gentle. Love can also be found in a container where nanay or tatay packed the lunch you bring to school, showing us that loving someone means taking care of them. Love is when they work tirelessly to give us the life they once wanted for themselves. Love is when they sacrifice their wants to prioritize our needs because that fulfills them more.
"Makita lang kitang kumakain, busog na 'ko," — this Filipino saying perfectly captures the selfless love of our parents, who prioritize our well-being above their own, even when they have little. This is proof that nothing compares to parental love. It is not like the love we get from our significant others or friends wherein it’s reciprocal—a parent’s love is characterized by selflessness—they wouldn’t mind having outdated and ragged clothes if it means that we get to wear comfortable and new clothings. Their pleasure does not come from money or luxury, it comes from the pure happiness that they see on their children’s faces, it comes from knowing that they are safe and sound.
This form of love can’t be replicated. This love is not about what we—their children—can do for them; it’s about what they can do for us. This type of love asks for nothing, but it gives us everything.
Platonic Love
Partners in crime. Confidante. Ride or die. Sibling from another mother. You name it—but, in the simplest term, a friend. This type of love is underrated but one of the most significant loves of all. It’s the love that wants nothing but the best for you, but oftentimes, it's the one that supports you on your “for the plot” ideas, because they know that the best lesson you’re going to learn will come from your own experience. They are the one who claps for us the loudest that we don’t even notice who doesn’t. They celebrate our wins as if it’s theirs too; at the same time, they give us a hand when the world is weighing us down.
Who even needs a romantic relationship if we have friends who love us unconditionally? This love centers around everyday moments that weave themselves into the fabric of our lives. It’s all about having those girlhood and boyhood moments: the stomach-aching laughter, the inside jokes that would probably last for only two weeks, the late-night talks ranting about stuff that they’ve heard for the nth time but you just can’t get over it—so they let you, it’s the coffee dates where we talk about deep stuff that is more suitable with alcohol, and the comfortable silence that speaks volumes about how much we appreciate each other’s existence.
These relationships guide us through life, offering unwavering support from those who would do anything for us, and for whom we would do the same. They are our second family—and for some, they are their only family. The family we chose.
Loving someone platonically is just as fulfilling as loving someone romantically. We help each other grow, reminding one another that no matter what the cruel world throws our way, we'll always have each other’s backs. This form of love shapes us, nourishes us, and empowers us. This love deserves to be celebrated. Just like what Phoebe Buffay said on the famous series Friends, “Boyfriends and girlfriends are gonna come and go, but this is for life.”
Self-love
We spend an awful amount of time trying to find love in different places—in some cases, even in different people. We search for it, we crave for it, and sometimes we even beg for it, not knowing that love can also be found within ourselves.
The thing is, self-love is often misunderstood. Some equate it with narcissism—being self-centered, while others believe it means being selfish. But genuine self-love isn't about all of that; it's about compassion. It's about recognizing our worth, accepting our imperfections, and understanding what we truly deserve.
It’s time that we learn how to be kind to ourselves.
Self-love can be found in everyday moments. Think about it: a warm bath, your favorite lotion and perfume—those are little ways of showing yourself some love. Even simple things like taking a deep breath or enjoying your favorite food—despite promising yourself over and over again that you’re going to go on a diet. It's also in the way you speak to yourself—choosing kindness over hate. It's in the time you take to read a book, listen to music, or simply do nothing at all. These small acts of self-care are the building blocks of a loving relationship with yourself.
When you start to find happiness in solitude, the second that you feel content with just being with yourself is the moment that you’ve found peace. The instance where the only thing that you need to fuel yourself is your own love is the moment you realize that you are enough. Most of the time, it is not other people’s love that we need—it is our own love that will keep us going.
“We accept the love we think we deserve,” – Mr. Anderson, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Knowing when to walk away is also an act of self-love. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring our worth, a way of saying, "I deserve more than this.” To hell with scraps of affections we had to plead for; we deserve a love that flows effortlessly, a love that is simply there, without having to be asked for. But before we can even recognize that kind of love, before we can truly receive it, we must first discover it within ourselves. How can we expect others to see our worth if we don't see it ourselves? How can we demand respect if we don't respect ourselves first? Only then can we set the boundaries necessary to protect our hearts and attract the kind of love we truly deserve. Only then can we recognize it when it finally arrives.
Pursuing love for ourselves is not easy, it’s going to be a long journey. There are going to be countless sleepless nights where questions like “Am I enough?” would plague our minds. These moments of doubt are part of the process. Self-love isn't about perfection; it's about accepting yourself, flaws and all, and recognizing that you are enough, just as you are.
One true love
Our one true love does not have to be a romantic partner. It can be our family—our mothers who will not get tired of cooking us our favorite meals. Our fathers who prove to us that love can be shown in subtle ways, like bringing us home our favorite pasalubong at the end of their tiring shift. True love can also be found in friendships. People who will stay by our side through the good and the bad, people who will help us look for the light when we’re being consumed by darkness. Your one true love can be yourself; you can find love in the silence and comfort of your own company. So, while the love from family, friends, and romantic partners is invaluable and enriching, remember that the most enduring and essential love story begins with you and in you.
Love is in the air and everywhere else; it’s meant to be found—not searched for. It has always been with you; you just have to open your eyes and recognize it. It's not a grand, sweeping gesture or a fairy-tale romance; it's in the everyday moments. It's in the laughter shared with a friend, the comforting hug from a family member. It's in the kindness you extend to a stranger, the forgiveness and kindness you offer yourself. Sometimes, the greatest love story you'll ever experience is not with your princess or prince charming, but with the people who have been there all along.
Article: Angela Ofilada
Graphics: Aldreich Pascual
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