We’re Out and Hidden… in a Drawer

Not all layers of a drawer open at once. 

In a typical Filipino household, we often see drawers rather than closets. Layer by layer, they hold various things — some are easily accessible, while others have been closed for a long time. 

For many LGBTQIA+ individuals, coming out is not a single, life-changing moment — it comes in different layers. Some are kept open, while others stay hidden, waiting for a moment when it finally feels safe to be pulled out — when the time, place, and people feel right. 

Yet, what does it mean to be in love with someone who navigates the closet differently?

First Layer: Family

The first layer slides open differently for Alex and Dee. 

For Dee, not her real name, the family drawer has long been opened. Since she was in high school, her mother already knew and had supported her liking a girl. Years later, that drawer was openly shared with her father, who happens to be religious. 

“I was afraid to tell him the truth kasi alam kong they, with my lola, really hold onto their beliefs as Christians. Also, it’s ironic how we are very close to each other pero I haven’t really come out to him sa tinagal-tagal na panahon,” she shared in an interview with The Communicator. However, conversations like these are really not the ones to have with her grandmother. Because up until now, she firmly believes that it is a sin to be queer. 

On the other hand, her partner, Alex, also not her real name, lives in a household where being queer is unacceptable, a sin, and a disrespect to her family’s, especially her parents’ beliefs. 

Alex grew up in a Muslim household that condemns same-sex relationships; that is why coming out has never felt like the first and simplest option. Day by day, the need to hide parts of herself became less of a choice and more of a survival response. It allowed her to pursue the life she wanted while protecting herself from possible rejection and shielding her family from the disappointment she believes her identity may bring. 

"I don't want to hurt them. I don't want to disappoint them. I don't want to cause distress," she said. "So I stay closeted."

While Dee no longer worries about being who she is at home, Alex continues to keep that drawer closed, not because she is uncertain about her identity, but because of the fear that lives within her. 

Second Layer: Friends

This layer is where Alex and Dee share a sense of oneness. After all, who could understand them more than ever? 

Friends. 

Despite Dee’s openness to her family, she still finds it easier to talk about everything with her friends, especially the dilemmas about her love life and her sexuality. Growing up in the same generation and sharing similar experiences allow her to express herself more without fear of being misunderstood. 

"It is really more comfortable to be open with my friends because they have the same level of understanding and emotional intelligence as me. Siyempre, I choose my friends wisely para sure akong our principles and morals sa buhay ay iisa," she shared.

Many of Dee’s friends are also part of the LGBTQIA+ community, while others are allies who believe that love knows no gender. That support created an environment where she never had to explain, hide, or defend her identity. 

Similar for Alex; friends became more than just companions. They are family. 

Because of the fact that she cannot come out to her family, she finds comfort among the people she spends most of her time with. Being honest about her sexuality not only paves a way to building trust with her friends but also allows her to stay true to herself.

"Ayaw ko namang magpanggap na hindi ako ganito with them," she shared. “Sila na nga lang ang mayroon ako, closest to my family.” 

For her, the friendships she built with her very close friends gave her a sense of relief. At least, she has a space where she is accepted, and where she is reassured that she is not something to be ashamed of — one thing that she never gets to hear at home. 

Third Layer: Public

While Alex keeps her home life tucked away, Dee’s hesitation lies in public spaces. 

Despite being open to her family and friends, Dee admits that she still struggles to openly express affection with her partner in public. The fear does not come from her parents, but rather from the eyes of strangers. 

“I am still skeptical and somehow afraid to show affection with my partner in public,” she admits. “Naiisip ko kasi na parang lahat ng tao huhusgahan ako, kami, kapag nakitang magkahawak ang kamay namin o magkayakap.”

For her, public spaces often feel like a lot of CCTV cameras are watching them. She finds it unsafe and far different from the comfort she has at home and with friends. Those simple gestures that heterosexual couples often naturally and ordinarily do become conscious actions for her.

“Kapag may nakatingin sa amin, iniisip ko, homophobic kaya siya? Jina-judge niya na kaya kami? Ganoon ako ka-paranoid. Pero siyempre, ibang usapan naman kapag kami lang dalawa, o kaya kapag nasa safe spaces kami.” Those spaces include her home, LGBT-friendly cafes and restaurants, and at the university campus. 

It is ironic that of all the layers, this is where Alex and Dee experience a complete shift.

While Alex keeps her family drawer closed, she instead finds comfort expressing herself around trusted people outside and far from her home. The relationship that remains hidden within her household is the same relationship she can freely acknowledge among friends and public spaces, of course, while still being vigilant.

Together, they reveal a reality often overlooked in conversations about coming out: a person can be both out and closeted at the same time.

Last Layer: Themselves 

“Every time you meet new people, you introduce yourself all over again,” as Alex says. “Coming out is constant.”

Yes, they are both in the same relationship, but that does not mean they share the exact same reality.

Perhaps a closet is not the best symbol for being closeted after all.

For Alex, Dee, and many LGBTQIA+ individuals, life resembles a drawer — layered, divided, and opened one section at a time. Some sections slide open effortlessly, while others stay shut, holding truths that are not yet ready to be revealed.

And sometimes, love grows in the space between those layers — between those that are already opened and those that are still waiting. 

Because true love endures, even when it means waiting for that layer to be finally opened. Whether it takes a year… a decade… or even a lifetime. 

Article: Ma. Deborah Chelsey C. Bautista

Graphics: Nicole Beverly Maniego