Picture this: a bride, radiant in her white gown, walks down the aisle while the groom stands at the altar, eyes filled with certainty. Around them, family and friends wipe away happy tears as he slips a ring onto her finger without hesitation. Forever—that’s the dream, the expectation, and the only acceptable ending.
But what happens when forever turns into a cage? When love turns into silence at the dinner table, bruises hidden beneath sleeves, or tears shed behind closed doors? In other countries, when love is no longer enough, couples can legally walk away from the marriage. But unlike most of the world, the Philippines sees marriage as sacred and unbreakable. It remains one of the last places—aside from the Vatican City—where divorce is still illegal. While annulment exists, it is costly, time-consuming, and often inaccessible to the average Filipino family.
For years, efforts to legalize divorce in the Philippines have persisted, yet strong opposition from religious institutions, cultural norms, and conservative lawmakers prevents it from becoming a reality. To understand why, we must dive into the Filipino mindset on love and commitment: the belief in forever, the fear of breaking apart families, and the stigma that surrounds failed marriages.
Morality and Misconceptions: ‘Til Duty Do Us Part
“Alam mo, ang babae ang dapat nagpapanatili ng relasyon.”
Women, as what the Filipino tradition implies, are the caretakers of the family—managing household chores, ensuring there’s food on the table, and keeping the family connected. And men? Their role is to provide. They are expected to spend their days working from day to night, coming home only after fulfilling their family’s needs. But in reality, it can go either way—women can be providers, and men can stay at home, doing everything society believes only a woman should do.
Yet when the marriage fails, the blame often falls on the woman—just because they are expected to hold the family together at all costs, no matter what happens. Meanwhile, men who leave a relationship are given more understanding—because, to many, they are simply seeking independence on pursuing personal ambitions. In a setting where cheating and abuse are involved, older generations often excuse a man’s unfaithfulness, deeming it a man’s nature. It is the woman’s fault when their husbands find another woman better than them. “Dress up better!” they say.
Women are also expected to endure an unhappy marriage for the sake of their children, while it becomes normal for men to pursue new relationships after a breakup. However, this is not about gender roles—there are men who take on the burden of holding the marriage together, just as there are women who choose to walk away and commit to another relationship. One’s gender is not the real problem, traditional gender norms are. Staying in a relationship despite numerous reasons not to, create moral dilemmas, where personal happiness contradicts societal expectations, making it difficult for couples to pursue divorce.
“Mas mahihirapan yung anak… Para siyang namamangka sa dalawang ilog na may dalawang pamilya siyang uuwian,” Juan, not his real name, shared in an interview with The Communicator.
However, Maria, also using a pseudonym, saw divorce as something that could actually benefit her and her siblings.
“Mas gugustuhin ko pang makita silang hiwalay kaysa marinig ko nang harap-harapan ang murahan at sigawan nila.”
As generation fosters, many societies today recognize divorce in a brighter perspective—recognizing that forcing individuals to remain in a toxic relationship is way more damaging than giving them the opportunity to separate. While some still argue that divorce weakens the society, others see it as a reflection of growth—where people can actually make choices that align with their well-being over outdated social expectations… and religious concepts.
For Richer, For Poorer: ‘Til Death Do Us Part
To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
These vows, spoken in front of family, friends, and God, are an unbreakable promise for many Filipinos. The Catholic Church, which holds significant influence in the country, teaches that marriage is indissoluble. With over 80% of Filipinos identifying as Catholic, religions play a major role in shaping views on marriage and divorce. The Church upholds marriage as a sacred covenant that must endure life’s greatest trials, and passages like “What God has joined together, let no man separate” (Mark 10:9) are often quoted in discussions about divorce.
To walk away from marriage is to break not only a human bond but a divine one—something many devout Filipinos refuse to do. For them, hardships in marriage are part of the journey, a test of faith and endurance. Even in cases of emotional neglect, infidelity, domestic violence, some remain bound by their vows. Many believe that seeking divorce is turning away from God’s plan, fearing judgement not only from their religious communities but from their own conscience.
The debate continues, but one thing remains clear—when religion and reality collide, many are left torn between faith and the longing for a second chance at happiness.
Untangling The Knot: ‘Til Law Do Us Part
In our country, the phrase "til death do us apart" holds a deeper meaning than it seems. Many marriages remain intact not because of love or vows, but because of the law itself. Legal separation remains a major issue in a society that romanticizes love as a fairytale. With some legal basis still restricted, couples trapped in ruthless, unworthy, and unhappy unions are left questioning—how do you untie a knot that cannot be cut in accordance with the law?
The ideal family is often pictured as a loving father, a caring mother, and hopeful children living a happy life in their home. But for many—especially women and children—that sanctuary can be shattered by the harsh reality of violence. Republic Act 9262, or The Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act of 2004, protects spouses and their children from mental, physical, and emotional abuse in intimate relationships. This opens up different routes for legal separation and annulment.
Some Filipinos resort to the Family Code of the Philippines (Executive Order No. 209) for legal separation, while others turn to Republic Act No. 9369 (the Family Code of the Philippines) for annulment—seeking a way undo the knot. While annulment negates the marriage and permits both individuals to remarry, legal separation only allows them to live separately without terminating the marriage or allowing remarriage. On the other hand, like the family of Juan—not his real name—not all Filipinos can afford doing all these long and enduring processes.
“Illegitimate child ako, nabuo akong hindi pa sila kasal pero kinalaunan nagpakasal naman sila pero hindi nga lang dumating sa point na may annulment na [ang paghihiwalayan],” Juan stated.
That is why up until this day, legalizing divorce remains a heated debate. Through the years, the concept of divorce has been viewed through the lens of negativity. But struggles that don't affect our own lives are easy to overlook. In a nation where many suffer in silence, the challenges faced by others—such as the wife enduring abuse, the child left without parental care, or the partner in an unloving union—are more intertwined with our own lives than we care to admit. Because in the end, one person’s fight for justice, healing, or freedom echoes louder than we might think, and it always finds its way back to the heart of a community.
Picture this: a bride, radiant in her white gown, walks down the aisle while the groom stands at the altar, eyes filled with certainty. Around them, family and friends wipe away happy tears as he slips a ring onto her finger without hesitation. Forever—that’s the dream, the expectation, and the only acceptable ending. But in reality, love is not always a fairy tale where everything falls perfectly into place, nor is it a battle that ends in defeat. It’s a journey—sometimes messy, sometimes painful, but always evolving.
The truth is, not all marriages are meant to last forever, but that doesn’t erase the love that was once shared or the lessons learned along the way. Sometimes untangling the knot is the bravest and strongest option. There is strength in knowing that love can also be mapagpalaya, offering the courage to walk away when staying means losing yourself.
In the quiet freedom that comes from letting go, we find the most profound form of love: one that allows both people to heal, grow, and eventually find peace—whether together or apart. Forever might not be guaranteed, but the journey toward understanding, respect, and freedom is worth every step.
Above all, love—not law, social norms, or cultural traditions—should be the only true measure of marriage.
Article: Ma. Deborah Chelsey Bautista, King David Manghi, Xyra Caryl Zaleta
Graphics: Keren Hope De Leon
Comments