When people talk about self-love, it often comes with a certain image: taking a solo trip to a dream destination, buying high-end skincare products, or making big life choices like purchasing luxury items. Social media has turned self-love into something grand, something meant to be seen and admired—often forgetting that the most meaningful acts of self-love can come even from the most mundane.
Is self-love only valid when it’s extravagant? What about the quiet moments when self-love simply means choosing to rest instead of pushing yourself past exhaustion? Or setting boundaries even when it makes you uncomfortable? Or allowing yourself to celebrate small joys without feeling guilty?
In reality, self-love isn’t just about huge, life-changing decisions. It’s in the everyday choices we make, the ones that don’t always look aesthetic or grand, but are just as important.
The Pressure to Earn Self-Love
Many people feel like they don’t have time for self-love or that they haven’t “earned” the right to take care of themselves as society has long shaped our perception of what self-love should look like.
From childhood, many of us are taught to put others first, to always be productive, and to push through exhaustion because rest is for the weak. These beliefs, reinforced by family, culture, and social media, make self-love seem like a luxury rather than a necessity.
For many, there’s also guilt attached to taking care of oneself. It’s common to hear phrases like “Pagod ka? Eh hindi ka pa naman productive buong araw” or “Wala pa akong masyadong nagagawa, hindi ko pa deserve magpahinga.”
This mindset makes people believe that self-love is something you earn—something that only comes after you’ve worked hard enough, sacrificed enough, or suffered enough.
And what happens when people internalize this belief? Burnout. Anxiety. Constant feelings of unworthiness. Even when people do take time for themselves, there’s often an urge to justify it with phrases like, “I deserve this because I worked hard.” As if self-care requires validation.
Little Acts, Big Impact
It’s in the student who allows themselves a break instead of forcing themselves to study for hours without rest; in the young professional who decides to stop checking emails after work, refusing to let their job consume their personal time; or in the parent who buys themselves a small treat, not because they need it, but simply because it brings them joy.
These acts may seem simple, even too small to matter. But they are powerful. Because every time you choose to take care of yourself, even in the smallest way, you send yourself the message: I am worth it, and I deserve kindness—even from myself.
The Myths Unpacked
There’s a deep-rooted stigma that self-love is selfish, that putting yourself first means neglecting others. But self-love and selfishness are not the same.
Selfishness is about disregarding others for personal gain. Self-love, on the other hand, is more of recognizing that you also deserve care. It doesn’t mean ignoring responsibilities or refusing to help others—it simply means including yourself in the equation.
Another common misconception is that self-love is only for the privileged—those who have the time, money, and resources to prioritize themselves. But self-love isn’t about luxury; it’s about intention.
Self-love can be choosing to sleep earlier instead of mindlessly scrolling on your phone; drinking water and eating on time even when you’re busy; taking deep breaths when you’re overwhelmed; or allowing yourself to enjoy small pleasures without guilt.
Psychologists emphasize that self-love is not just about feeling good—it’s essential for mental and emotional well-being. Dr. Carla Martinez, a psychologist specializing in self-care and resilience, explains:
"Many people think self-care is optional, something you only do when you have free time. But in reality, self-love in small ways—like resting, setting boundaries, or doing things that make you happy—helps prevent burnout, improves self-esteem, and allows you to show up better in all areas of your life."
Therefore, when you practice self-love daily, you’re not just indulging yourself, you’re protecting your well-being. And over time, these small habits can transform the way you see yourself and how you navigate life.
Small Acts of Self-Love Create Big Shifts
Self-love isn’t just about big changes or pricey gestures. More often, it’s found in the small, everyday choices we make—ones that may seem insignificant but slowly shape how we care for ourselves.
Think about the times you’ve put down your phone at night and chosen to rest instead of mindlessly scrolling on social media. Or the moments you’ve said no to something, not because you didn’t care, but because you knew you needed a break. These decisions may not seem like much, but they send a powerful message: You matter, and so does your well-being.
Then there’s how we talk to ourselves. It’s easy to be harsh, to dwell on mistakes, and let self-doubt take over. But self-love also means choosing kindness, even toward yourself. So instead of thinking, 'I messed up,' try thinking, 'I’ll eventually learn from this.' This simple shift in mindset can change how you see yourself.
Even the smallest acts like enjoying a meal without rushing, stepping outside for fresh air, taking a moment to breathe, are forms of self-care. They remind you that love isn’t just something you give to others. It’s something you owe yourself, too.
And just as self-love is about caring for yourself, it’s also about the people you keep in your life. It means choosing relationships that uplift you and letting go of those that make you feel unworthy. You don’t need to hold onto people who drain your energy.
Walking away doesn’t mean you don’t care, it only means you care enough about yourself to prioritize peace.
At the end of the day, self-love isn’t about how visible it is. It’s about the choices you make, the boundaries you set, and the way you treat yourself when no one else is looking. These small acts add up, shaping the way you see yourself in the long run.
So the next time you think that the little things don’t matter, remember—they do. And they always will.
The Art of Loving Yourself
For Huebert James Fusana, a 19-year-old PUPian, self-love isn’t about grand gestures. Instead, he finds it in creative outlets like poetry, art, and music—spaces where he can express emotions he isn’t always comfortable voicing out loud.
Through his work, Huebert proves that self-love doesn’t always need to be spoken. It can be felt in the rhythm of a poem, the strokes of a brush, or the chords of a song. "Sometimes I create music para mabigyan ng saya ‘yung sarili ko," he shares.
For him, self-love is in the process. Not in recognition or validation, but in the act of simply creating. It’s in the way he allows himself to feel and to express. His poetry, his art, and his music are all testaments to this, reminders that self-love doesn’t have to be loud to be real.
And maybe that’s the problem. We often think self-love needs to be grand, something we can prove to others, something worthy of a perfect Instagram post. But what if we’ve been looking at it the wrong way all along? What if the smallest, quietest acts of self-love are just as worthy? Not in the way social media has conditioned us to think, but in a way that truly matters.
A steaming cup of coffee in the morning before the world gets too loud. The soft glow of a lamp as you read a book at night instead of overworking yourself. The relief of clearing an email notification because work can wait until tomorrow. The simple act of closing your eyes, taking a deep breath, and reminding yourself: I am enough.
And if you ever feel like you don’t deserve these moments, remember this: You are not just your achievements, your productivity, or the roles you play for others. You are your own person. And you deserve kindness, especially from yourself.
So take that break. Breathe. Buy yourself that small treat. Sleep early. Say no, and let yourself enjoy life in small ways.
You don’t need a special occasion to love yourself, and most especially, you don’t need to deserve it.
Because just by being here, just by existing—you already do.
Article: Kriza Marielle Sumang, Danica Fabonan, and Jeserie Joy Ilao
Graphics: Emar Lorenz Samar
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