Behind Closed Doors: When Silence Becomes Complicity

The shouting came again last night. A slamming door. A muffled cry. And outside—the lights stayed steady, the televisions got louder, and the neighbors told themselves, “Hindi natin dapat pakialaman.”

This is how violence against women and children survives in the Philippines—not just through the hands of abusers, but through the silence of everyone around them.

And that silence has become a national habit.

When “Home” Isn’t Safe: What VAWC Really Looks Like

Under Republic Act 9262–the Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act—abuse isn’t limited to bruises or broken bones. The law recognizes psychological manipulation, financial control, threats, stalking, intimidation, and isolation.

But many victims don’t have visible scars.

Abuse can be a boyfriend demanding to check your phone. A husband calling you “maarte” for crying. A father controlling every peso you spend. A partner deleting your contacts “para iwas ka sa problema.”

It’s the slow shrinking of a woman’s world—and her sense of self.

The Numbers We Don’t Want to Face

In 2023, the Philippine National Police recorded 8,055 VAWC cases under RA 9262.Across all VAW-related laws, the total climbed to 11,585 reported cases.

But even the Philippine Commission on Women openly states that for every recorded case, many more remain unreported—hidden by fear, shame, or lack of support.

Behind each number is a woman navigating danger inside her own home. A student hiding bruises beneath long sleeves. A mother whispering through tears. A child learning to stay quiet to survive.

These are not isolated stories. They are a pattern—and a reflection of our society.

A Strong Law, but a Weak Safety Net

RA 9262 is one of the strongest anti-violence laws in Southeast Asia. On paper, it protects women and children through penalties, protection orders, and clear definitions of abuse.

But laws, no matter how strong, cannot sit beside a victim at midnight when fear feels heaviest. They cannot question the abuser’s excuses or challenge the manipulation that happens behind closed doors. A law on paper cannot guarantee that the barangay desk is properly trained, that every officer will respond without bias, or that a victim will be believed. 

Many victims stay silent not because they don’t know the law—but because reporting can feel dangerous.

What if the police don’t take it seriously? What if my family tells me to endure? What if he finds out I tried to report? What if I have nowhere to go afterward?

Abuse survives through fear. Fear survives through silence. And silence survives because communities let it.

The Culture That Protects Abusers

We like to think we are a caring, family-oriented nation. But we also normalize:

“Seloso lang, sweet ’yan.”“Ganyan talaga pag mahal.”“Tiisin mo na lang.”“Pabayaan mo, magulang mo pa rin ’yan.”

We laugh off controlling behavior. We excuse emotional violence. We romanticize jealousy. We treat victims like gossip fodder. And then we look shocked when the numbers don’t go down. The truth is — VAWC doesn’t continue because abusers are powerful — it continues because society is comfortable.

Comfortable ignoring. Comfortable blaming.Comfortable pretending.

A Community Issue—Not a Private Matter

In many homes, violence is dismissed as “away mag-asawa.”In barangays, reports are treated as “family problems.”On campuses, classmates notice but don’t ask.In group chats, warnings become jokes.

When communities refuse to intervene, they become more than silent witnesses—they become enablers of abuse. A barangay that dismisses a woman’s report, or neighbors who hear the shouting but choose not to help, create an environment where the abuser feels untouchable. When friends stay quiet, it ends up shielding the abuser by protecting his reputation instead of the victim’s safety. Families who insist on “tiisin mo na lang para buo ang pamilya” become part of the violence themselves, because they pressure the victim to remain in danger rather than support her right to leave. In VAWC cases, silence is not neutral—it strengthens the abuser, isolates the victim, and reinforces a culture where violence is allowed to continue behind closed doors.

VAWC survives because too many people refuse to see it—even when it is happening right next door.

Breaking the Silence Starts With Us

Breaking the silence begins with the small choices we make everyday. Noticing the signs isn't intruding — it’s protecting. Asking gentle questions matters because many victims stay silent until someone shows they are safe to talk to. And believing their stories is crucial — hesitation or doubt can push a victim back to isolation.

Challenging harmful “jokes” and calling out controlling behavior makes a difference. When jealousy is praised as “sweet,” or monitoring someone's phone is treated as normal, we unwillingly give abusers permission.

Our everyday reactions shape what society accepts.

Because sometimes, a victim’s first lifeline isn’t a hotline, or a police report—it’s a friend who refuses to look away.

The fight against VAWC will not be won by laws alone. 

It will be won by communities that choose courage over comfort. By students who speak up.By neighbors who knock on doors. By families that protect, not silence.

Time to Open the Door

Behind closed doors, violence continues because it’s allowed to remain invisible. Fear keeps victims silent. Culture normalizes abusive behavior. Communities soften the truth with excuses.

Women are being hurt. Children are being threatened. Lives are breaking quietly while the rest of the world continues as if nothing is happening.

The question is no longer, “Does VAWC exist?” It is “How long will we allow silence to protect abusers?” now. Every time a community ignores warning signs, every time a friend chooses comfort over confrontation, every time a family prioritizes reputation over safety—the cycle continues.

But we can choose differently.

We can choose to listen.

We can choose to speak up. We can choose to make noise and open the door.

Where to Get Help (If You or Someone You Know Needs Support)

If you or someone you know is experiencing violence—physical, emotional, economic, or sexual—here are trusted hotlines and support contacts in the Philippines:

Emergency / Police / Protection

• National Emergency Hotline: 911

• Philippine National Police Women and Children Protection Center (PNP-WCPC): (02) 8532-6690

• Aleng Pulis Hotline: 0919-777-7377 (Smart) / 0966-725-5961 (Globe) — 24/7 response line.

• 
  

Social Welfare & Crisis Support

• Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) Crisis Text Hotline: 0918-912-2813

• DSWD NCR “Ugnayan-Pag-Asa” Crisis Intervention Center: (02) 8734-8639 / (02) 8734-8654 / (02) 8734-8626–8627

• 
  

Legal Assistance

• Public Attorney’s Office (PAO): (02) 8929-9436 (local 106 / 107 / 159)

• 
  

Referral & Support Services

• Inter‑Agency Council on Violence Against Women and Their Children (IAC-VAWC): Hotlines 0917-867-1907 / 0917-874-8961, Email: iacvawc@pcw.gov.ph

• 
  

If you feel unsafe, threatened, or controlled—or if you know someone who might be—save these numbers. Share them. Use them. You—and many others—deserve safety, dignity, and help.

Article: Jeraldine Catalan

Graphics: Jan Mike Cabangin